The American psychologist Eric Bern introduced into science such a thing as the “scenario of the life path” (he is also the “scenario of fate”). This scientist became the founder of the theory of transactional analysis. A significant number of people at the subconscious level have created for themselves a certain scenario (life plan).
According to this scenario, most people structured over time periods of different duration: it can be both months and years. Throughout his life, a person is engaged in nothing more than the realization of his life plan. As a rule, the basis for scenarios lies in childhood, in children’s dreams and illusions that can accompany a person throughout his life.
What is the script? Such words as “program”, “plan” can become synonymous with “script”. As for theater productions, plays, programs and plans for life are “written” in advance. Moreover, like the other script, the script for life has its author. Different people and factors have an impact on the folding of a person’s fate, but the determining and important influence on the fate of their child is made by parents.
Let’s take an example. Mom, who grows up her son alone, protects him so much that the boy has an idea that he is not capable of anything. Besides, mother often repeats: “What a weak you are! I don’t even know if you can start and support a family! ” As a result, a man grows out of the boy, who is afraid to take responsibility for the family, it is difficult to make decisions, not capable of a responsible deed, etc.
Fairy tales, beloved by a person in the early stages of his life, also have a huge impact on his further destiny. You will be surprised, but you will find a lot of similarities in your behavior and the behavior of that fairy-tale hero with whom you never parted in childhood. For example, “Little Mermaids” and “Thumbelina” are susceptible to sacrificial love, “buns” can not stay on any case for a long time; not encountering serious obstacles, they roll through life, etc.
With all justice, it can be said that man is the creator of his destiny. His ability to think and rationally perceive the world around him determines his fate. Every person plans his life path independently. Freedom and strength – these are the two components that are needed by any person.
Freedom is directly related to the plans that a person intends to carry out. Strength allows a person to comprehend the freedom in his hands. This is also characteristic of the case when the genetic code, along with relatives and relatives, determined the life course of a particular person. The life of such a person is constantly in a state of struggle.
Thus, fate is determined by two main factors:
1. the influence of parents on the formation of the psyche of their child;
2. subconscious human programming of the plot, which must pass the whole life path or a certain period of time.
So how do you change your destiny? Any act brought to life is generated either by an independent will of a person, or is an integral part of the “scenario”. The psychologist will argue that your behavior is “scenic,” if you, for example, complain to him that evil fate determines your fate, that you feel the oppressive influence of circumstances during the day and night, etc. Circling is a characteristic feature of scenario behavior.
If similar life episodes are constantly repeated, then the best option would be to consult a psychotherapist. For example, for an American there is nothing shameful in that if he went to an appointment with a psychotherapist. This situation is not typical for Russia, which may be due to our worldview, culture and upbringing.
We don’t want to “wash dirty linen in public”, even if the hut is our consciousness, and dirty is our thoughts. In this case, self-analysis will help. To conduct it yourself is very difficult. And yet everyone is able to help themselves through their own efforts.
First, it should be aware of the attitudes that we acquired at a very early age, an adult person is quite capable of making such an attempt. A person should evaluate the extent to which the attitudes often repeated in childhood on the part of parents and close people influenced his fate.
A good effect will be in the event that there is someone to talk about on this subject, so to speak, “pour out the soul.” This may be a close friend or girlfriend and, of course, a sister or brother. Let’s give an example. If the boy constantly repeats something like “men should not complain and cry,” then the boy – the future man – can grow up withdrawn and unable to express his feelings. These not very good qualities can accompany him throughout his life.
It is possible that you are at the mercy of the first childhood memories. For example, if such is “poking” in kindergarten for an age that is slightly less than the average in a group, then an adult can grow out of a child, who slightly but feels “worse” than others, some insignificant but inferior.
When you figure out what is your obstacle, then you are completely capable of getting rid of the program that prevents you from changing the fate. This refers to the most important events in your life, such as career growth, family creation, childbirth, etc. You must take the following steps.
Step one. Identify the reason for the recurrence of events in your life. Answer the following questions, and then analyze them:
1. What is the common cause of episodes recurrence?
2. Who are the actors in each episode, and are there any similarities between them, if we consider all the episodes together?
3. What do you do for each recurring episode?
All you need is to find a pattern, to build all the events in one logical series. The causes of all sorts of trouble often lies in ourselves. Only by identifying these causes can you reverse your fate. The reason for failure can be as an installation obtained in childhood (for example, you were constantly told that there are only dishonest people around, and now you are dealing with those) and a plot created exclusively by you (after some defeat you programmed yourself as a loser in all matters).
Step two. Drop aside excuses. Forget about combinations of words like “I could make it a reality, provided …” or “If only …”. Take a look at the events that have already occurred from a different angle. For example, several years have passed since you did not enter a higher education institution. ” However, from time to time you convince yourself that you could become just an excellent student if there were no entrance examinations. Most likely, there were a lot of similar moments on your life journey. What do you need? You need not wail “If only …”, and evaluate the reasons for why you did not even try to pass the exams. The reasons may be different. This is both laziness and family attitudes (working right away, not “sitting out your pants” at the university), and doubts about luck (lack of confidence in one’s beloved), lack of preparation, and so on. Think about what you could do that moment. Systematize this approach to introspection to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Step three. Stop looking for the guilty. Neither the circumstances nor the people around you, nor you yourself should be a source of guilt in what happened. And the feeling of resentment, and the feeling of guilt have never been and will not be either for you or for anyone else a good adviser. You do not have fate? This article is designed to help you, but not to turn you against your parents. They are not to blame in the course of your life. A person to a greater extent is the creator of his own destiny, and often personally writes one or another plot for her, positive or negative (almost always without knowing it).
Step Four. Do not expect that the result will not take long. Do not disappoint yourself with the fact that you did not get instant results. It takes a long period of time for the human psyche to reorganize into a “new wave”. The psyche is an extremely complex tool. You need to be able to look fate in the eyes. You should not curse your destiny, but make friends with it. Do not be afraid to look back. Be able to see in your past a good, and not just a negative set of circumstances.
Think about whether you yourself are seeking misfortunes. No, not that consciously. It is about your subconscious desire. It often happens that a person in general likes to feel unhappy, he begins to feel sorry for himself, getting satisfaction from pity. He seeks pity and support from other people. He lives it. “Compose” yourself a happy man. Do not make a chain of negative events to justify your dramatic plot. Build the plot of a happy man.